Dear friends,
It was my first year without cat(s) and I made it to October before fostering kittens. I did some traveling. I spent a month in Nebraska City for a residency, a week upstate visiting friends and farms, a few days in London for a research-related trip.
(My foster charges have since been adopted. I’m catless again, for the best as I’m conclusively allergic.)
If I had to star one thing, it would be the fat check I got from the HomeFirst Down Payment Assistance Program, which made it possible for me to buy a studio apartment in a Brooklyn co-op building. The story of my adventures in real estate is too long and tedious for this newsletter, but in the spirit of name dropping, I will say that I am grateful to Maya for planting the seed of homeownership possibility, to Carley and Dia for their examples and support, to River for connecting me to Savitri, and to Gia for conveying the first whisper of HomeFirst* to my ear.
* NYC folks: if you’re a first-time homebuyer making under the maximum income eligibility requirement (currently $79,200 for 1-person households), you might be eligible for this program. The process requires taking a class and paying fees, etc. (there is no part of home buying that does not involve fees) but if, in the end, you qualify, HomeFirst will swoop in on your closing date with a check for TWENTY PERCENT of the purchase price that you can use as down payment. It’s technically a loan but if you stay in the home for 10 years (or 15, depending on the amount of the loan) the loan turns into a grant, and that means—pause for suspense—you don’t have to pay it back. (If you leave/sell the unit before that timeline, there’s a graduated decline in the pay-back amount.) I hope others take advantage of this program and am happy to share more about my experience. (Application intake is currently suspended until spring 2024.)
I closed on my studio in June, moved to Kensington in July, and am still adjusting to this new life. I haven’t lived alone since 2014—when I rented a huge apartment in a Victorian house in rural Illinois for $650/month—and it has been wonderful but it has been a transition. I miss my old neighborhood and the speedy 2/3 train, I miss afternoons co-working with Svetlana at Polly’s and nights watching Married at First Sight with Liz and Roux upstairs. I miss being in walking distance to the food co-op and a really good Crunch. I don’t miss the gouged-up floorboards and stained bathroom sink, the stolen packages, the mice, the dramatics of my radiator. My new place needs work but I love it. I love the aloneness, the quiet, the view, the quick walk to the F/G, my close proximity to two 24-hour grocery stores.
More highlights: my writing groups! I was in three – which is a lot, even for me. (They were all different in aims and structure and timeframe.) Thanks to everyone who exchanged writing with me this year. (I’m now part of just one single writing group. I would love to be in one more and welcome invitations.)
I saw some cows. Cows being milked. First in Western Iowa, then in upstate New York.
I went overseas for the first time since – 2010? 2011? Not sure. I flew to London to see the Milk show at the Wellcome. Found a new friend in Keenan, an IG friend who generously showed me around their city.
When Claude died I broke my Duolingo streak but I am back at it (learning Español) and have figured out how to advance in the leagues.
In October, I stopped drinking alcohol and watching TV. A few weeks later, the second season of The Gilded Age commenced and I fell off the TV wagon which I don’t feel too bad about. I might be done drinking for good? For now. I enjoy an herbaceous mocktail.
Here’s my rundown of published work in 2023. Mostly reviews and critical writing. One obituary. One personal essay. A conversation.
“Other Ways to Wear a Body” an essay on K. Iver’s Short Film Starring My Beloved’s Red Bronco (Poetry Foundation)
Conversation with artist Paul DD Smith on his exhibition The Chiral Gate (1646 Gallery)
Kelly Link, White Cat, Black Dog (4Columns)
Dolki Min, Walking Practice (New York Times)
Henry Hoke, Open Throat (4Columns)
“Night Milk” (Michigan Quarterly Review’s Somaflights special issue)
“Overlooked No More: Lou Sullivan, Author and Transgender Activist” (NYT)
Justin Torres, Blackouts (4Columns)
Alison Rumfitt, Brainwyrms (NYT)
Films I loved watching:
Saint Omer (dir. Alice Diop), seen at home and talked about later and at length with Waqia, Heather, and Dia – Blew me away. Diop is known for her documentaries, and Saint Omer is a fictionalized documentary-like film based on a trial that Diop attended in Paris: the case of a Senegalese-French woman who left her baby on a beach to die. It’s an astonishing, unsettling film that grants unusual opacity to its main character, the defendant, as we look and look, unable to reconcile her contradictions or know how to judge her. So much quiet suspense in every long shot. Co-written by Marie MDiaye, whose novel Vengeance Is Mine has some overlaps. (currently streaming on Hulu)
Beau Is Afraid (dir. Ari Aster), seen with Sol in the theater – Aster’s Boys for Pele. One of the most original and adventurous films I’ve seen in terms of its shifting representations of reality to depict Beau’s paranoia. Totally wild, intensely personal, often hilarious (if overlong).
Bottoms (dir. Emma Seligman), seen with Carley in the theater – new favorite high school movie. Bottoms tops them all.
Le Planete Sauvage / Fantastic Planet (dir. René Laloux), seen at home – I watched this sumptuously animated sci-fi film on a whim and was wonderstruck by its marvelous visuals and weird logic.
Orlando (dir. Paul Preciado), seen with Shuli at NewFest – Preciado’s inventive trans-centric homage to Virginia Woolf’s beloved classic is honestly great and so full of surprises.
ANHELL69 (dir. Theo Montoya), seen with Mev at NewFest– An experimental grief documentary, ANHELL69 captures death culture in Medellín and the loss of one queer friend after another to drugs, antiqueer violence, and suicide – mixing documentary footage with scenes of a speculative film about people who seek out sex with fantomas/ghosts. Intimate and devastating.
May December (dir. Todd Haynes), seen at home with Drowsy and Sardine – Is it queer blasphemy to say this is (a lot) better than Carol? I thought it was perfect.
A Thousand and One (dir. A.V. Rockwell), seen at home with Sardine – I saw this on a year-end list and went in knowing little. Teyana Taylor captivates as a hairstylist who gets released from prison and ‘abducts’ her son from his Brooklyn foster placement – I won’t say more as there are curveballs. Rockwell’s debut film adopts a viscerally felt realism and had my heart in its throat the whole time.
Books I loved reading:
Marie NDiaye, Vengeance Is Mine (translated from the French by Jordan Stump – I am still thinking about this strange, beguiling French surrealist crime novel many days after reading it. Really looking forward to digging into NDiaye’s back catalog.
Mariana Enriquez, Our Share of Night (translated from the Spanish by Megan McDowell) – Among the darkest, most disturbing books I have read – be warned.
Sigrid Nunez, The Friend – Late to this but yes, it is as superb as everyone says.
Anne Elizabeth Moore, Body Horror – This terrific collection boasts a vast range of topics, from sanitary napkin disposal bags to snake oil to compost to the birth of standardized time, all approached with Moore’s inimitable blend of humor, smarts, and investigative chops.
Christina Sharpe, Ordinary Notes – Extraordinary and profound, a monumental work.
Casey Plett, On Community – I got a sneak peek at this one as Casey was in one of my writing groups and I can never restrain myself from this kind of brag. Plett’s first work of nonfiction is as generous in spirit as her fiction – also wide-ranging, thought-provoking, personal, great.
Justin Torres, Blackouts – I’m surprised more people I know aren’t gushing about Torres’s long-awaited follow-up to We the Animals. Then again, it shared its pub week with news of Hamas’s attack on Israel. And won the National Book Award a week or so later, so it hasn’t exactly gone unnoticed.
Hazel Jane Plante, Any Other City – new one from one of my favorites, just wonderful and so delightfully sly in its sometimes-fake cultural worldbuilding.
Johanna Hedva, Your Love Is Not Good – A provocative interrogation of the art world, race, and identity politics via not-autofiction that reads like autofiction
Jenny Fran Davies, Dykette – Deliciously witty, queer, and fashion-forward
Aurora Mattia, The Fifth Wound – Mattia loves sentences, sensuality, and excess and we love her for it
Sabrina Imbler, How Far the Light Reaches – Outstanding essays about sea creatures, queerness, love, life
Venita Blackburn, Dead in Long Beach, California – Coming on the heels of two solid gold story collections, Blackburn’s first novel is excellent; review TK
Meanwhile I’m getting ready to scream about these hotly anticipated forthcoming debuts from brilliant friends! I cannot wait for:
Temim Fruchter, City of Laughter (Grove Press, January)
Erica Cardwell, Wrong Is Not My Name (Feminist Press, March)
Sol JB Brager, Heavyweight (William Morrow, Fall)
See you in the New Year. Ceasefire now.
Yours,
Megan
I love this round up! I’m so happy to be included in some of these moments. ❤️❤️❤️